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Just a little mindless Shakarian because I can't resist...
Read more from Garrus and Jane: The Diary of Jane:

From the Personal Memoirs of Garrus Vakarian.

It was one of those conversations that I wish, in retrospect that I had never really started. Jane didn’t like me bringing it up and I didn’t really like finding out something that I had always suspected. It ended well, but not because I won the ... argument.

It began innocently; she was washing a teacup at the kitchen sink. I came up behind her and nuzzled her neck. She squirmed away, skipped over to the kitchen door and with a lascivious smile beckoned me into the yard with her index finger.

“If you want it, catch me if you can.” Jane said and sauntered away out into the yard.

I’d been lead on this merry chase many times before; all through the house and half the yard. The last time, we ended up making love on the potting table in of one of the green houses… But today, I just didn’t feel like chasing, didn’t feel like working for it; I just wanted her to hold still, open her legs and and let me in. I wanted to fuck her and I wanted it to be simple.

“You are a ridiculous flirt.” I called after her crankily. “I’ll be in the bedroom if you want something of me.”

She paused in the yard, looked back me, frowned but eventually followed me into the bedroom. I got my way that time, but after we made love, well, let’s just say she had some questions.

“What did you mean I am a ridiculous flirt?” Jane demanded. “Do you mean that I flirt too much or what?”

Damn it, I thought. Keep your mouth shut Vakarian. Don’t take the bait. Just tell you love her and take a nap.

I took the bait anyway.

“You have flirted with every male Turian you’ve met,” I replied eager to get something off my chest that had nagged me since I had met her.

“I did not,” she said, the familiar outraged rising in her voice in a high human treble.

“Did too.” I replied far too petulantly.

She rolled up to balance on her arm, pulled herself atop my prone and weary body and stared down at me.

“Name three!” she demanded as she ground her wet crotch against mine. Her mouth was fixed in a straight line and an annoyed look shot from her eyes. Not the kind of look I wanted to see after thirty minutes of unabashed passion. I flipped her on to her back and pinned her to the bed with my thigh.

“Would you like to have some more children?” I asked.

“Stop it Garrus. That’s not funny. Why don’t you just answer the question?”

“OK,” I said. “You flirted with that guy you punched in After Life.”

“That does not count Garrus!” Jane exclaimed. “I did not flirt with him, plus you know I was working just to attract Morinth.”

“Ok, granted," I conceded. "Then the Presidium Grounds Keeper you chatted up in the Dark Star.”

“Hey I was just asking about the fish!”

“That was flirting. In Turian culture any discussions of food between unfamiliar males and females is considered high flirting. Very provocative. Almost… slutty.”

“Slutty? It was not.”

“It was, to a Turian it was. Why do you think he started taking about demael flowers.” I told her. “Poor guy, he saw me there, ready to saw him in half… he didn’t know what was going on.”

She pouted, struggled ineffectively against my leg then tried to sit up. I put my hand over her tits and pushed her back onto the bed.

“I was not flirting with him.” Jane insisted. “He wasn’t even attractive. He was spooky white and it looked like someone had greased him from head to toe. Not my type. Try again.”

"The Csec Requisitions Officer." I suggested.

"Really?" she asked sounding more than a bit annoyed. "I was just buying guns Garrus. Is that the best you can come up with?"

She grabbed my right hand and pulled the thumb down on her left nipple. "Do that, please, " she begged and flicked her tongue over my mandible tip.

“That ass in the gun shop.” I said not dissuaded by her attempts to distract me, though I did massage her nipple.

“No! Well… ok maybe to get the discount. He was a bit, odd. Offered to name his first born after me.”

“He wanted to impregnate his first born into you.”

She looked thoughtful and bit her lip as she considered this.

“I thought he was just weird or something.”

“More like horny Jane.” I nipped her neck, just to let her feel the prick of my teeth. She yelped and flinched away. "Are you horny?" I asked.

“You can be a jerk sometimes…” she hissed.

“General Oraca.”


But I had seen how Oraca had looked at her; his eyes deeply hooded, filled with drink, agony and a lust that was not for Shiara. “He would have dumped the Consort if you had sat on his lap.”

“Just… no.”

“He adored you.” I said and rubbed my brow plate against her smooth forehead.

“Try again, killer.” she said.

“The bartender at the Dark Star.”

She opened her mouth and closed it just as quickly.

“Well… ok. Yeah.” She admitted finally. “He was really cute. Nice crest, pretty eyes, beautiful markings. I remember him; I guess, maybe I did flirt with that one. A bit. He was quite attractive and he gave me free drinks.”

“You passed out from the liquor he plied you with.” I reminded her. “Vomited the Ryncol on to your armor and shoes. Jack and I had to carry you to the latrine and wash your face.”

“I may have flirted with him. Ok that’s one.”

“Herk.” was my next candidate.


“Bailey’s assistant.” I prompted.

“I don’t even remember this person.” She insisted.

I licked her face and purred at her ear. “Uh huh. Tall, big muscles, undressed you with his eyes.”

“I don’t remember this. Maybe you are describing yourself. All Csec officers look alike.”

“Right. Chellick then.” I squeezed her waist feeling the luxury of its softness in the  blubbery mammalian fat that had deposited there since the last baby.  A twinge of arousal reawaken my desire. I barred my teeth at her ear, purred a turian love sonnet and slipped my left hand under her back to massage her lower spine.

“Garrus! Be for real. I did not flirt with Chellick.”

“Chellick was one the most hard-assed detectives in Csec, but in two seconds you had him eating out of your hand." I licked her ear wetly. "I couldn’t believe how quickly he backed down when you batted those big human eyes of yours at him… He totally caved and he even paid you. Disgusting, Disgusting. Chellick was my friend. You made me want to kill him.”

“Would you stop?” She pushed my mouth away from her face. “Stop your slobbering. Ok Chellick was good looking, in retrospect, but I was still scared of Turians then so I was not flirting.”

“The chief mechanic on Noveria…”

“Stop! I know where this is going. No, no. Not my type.”

“Lorik Qui’in”

She was silent for a moment, then smiled shyly or maybe coyly.

“Ok you got me. Guilty as charged. Lorik Qui’in is the best looking Turian I’ve ever seen.”

“What?” I froze. Jane had not only just agreed with me she was about to elaborate in a way I didn't really want to hear.

“You started this big guy. Lorick had the longest most beautiful crest I’ve ever seen on a Turian. He was… dreamy.”

“That’s because he was old. Lorick was nearly one-hundred when we met him. Crests grow with age. "Long in the crest' means an old guy.”

“Well it looked good. Pretty markings. Oh and his voice, like rolling naked on velvet- I could have listened to it all day and night. And those mandibles, my goodness. They were so big and long and curved and pointy.”

“Also because he was so very ancient Jane. Not to mention drunk.”

She tried to wriggle out from under my leg so I rolled on top of her. “You’re jealous.” She said.

“Not at all,” I lied. “I mated you, they didn’t. But you have confirmed what I suspected all along.”

“That I’m a better shot than you are?” She  said so sweetly I almost didn't catch it.

“Huh? What! Don’t change the subject woman.”

“Ha! What about the females you have flirted with.” Jane replied, effectively changing the subject.

“Who exactly?” I demanded.

Her fingers crept to the back of my head and stroked my cranial ridges. The pleasure of that lulled me into her trap, so to speak.

“Liara, she invited you to her quarters. I heard it on the intercom.”

“Did I go?” I asked and put my tongue back on her neck. The stroking of the back of my neck was making me... catatonic, it was getting hard to keep my eyes open.

“Well... No.”

“So then...” I snuggled my face into her hair. The stroking felt so good.

“Tali.” Jane suggested.


“That Turian bitch in the casino.”

Ah, now she was jealous. I rubbed it in. “The hot one with the tiny waist and the blue eyes?”


“Eye candy only my love…” I purred and pressed my knee between her legs to separate them.

“Dr. Michel!”

“Uh…” She had me on that one.



“Oh I knew it!" she yelled. "You sleazebag. Kelly? Really? Who's the flirt now? Are you done with this Garrus?”

I reached down and grabbed her ass with both my hands and slid my cock into her warm insides. She moaned wildly and bucked hard against me. I covered her mouth with mine to silence the accusations and slipped my tongue inside delighting in the warmth and moisture. I was just getting started…
Add a Comment:
Maya-Yungsito Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is funny. :giggle:

But for all the fiction I've read regarding turians... why the heck can I not remember who in the world is Chellick? o.O
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Professional General Artist
Sorry; below my iPad auto corrected Chelick...
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thank you. Charlock was the sec officer in ME1 who was in charge of Jenna in Cora's Den. See you made my point; Jane Shepard Doesn't even remember these guys.:) (Smile) 
Maya-Yungsito Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Now I remember him XD Thanks.
AlienFodder Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Professional General Artist
:D (Big Grin) 
ActuallyFenHarel Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Student Digital Artist
BAHAHAHAH loved it! :XD:
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Professional General Artist
=P (Razz) 
WhiteLynx57 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014
XFD They can be so silly sometimes.
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Professional General Artist
WhiteLynx57 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014
barbexy Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love the little bit about long crested, nice backstory. 
That was funny, I liked it.
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Professional General Artist
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Submitted on
February 10, 2014


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