41- The Diary of Jane

Garrus and Jane discuss some personal matters. Garrus tells a tall tale about what turian eat.

Garrus Vakarian: personal log:

 

It is amusing that Jane picked up on Victus' reactions. He must have thought of her mother every time he looked at her, but… I'm not going to tell her about that. Not now. Liara was right though, Victus was reckless especially where Hannah was concerned. They screwed in just about every imaginable spot on the Citadel for nearly six years before they broke it off; a janitor's closet in the Dilinaga Civic Center, the unisex bath room at The Nova Bar, a cab traveling through  Tayseri Ward, hotel rooms too numerous to mention; a  men's shower on an Alliance ship. Once even on Pinnacle station between training matches. And the Shadow Broker  saw it all... I guess that makes Hannah pretty reckless too, huh? Funny, she always seemed so uptight... Now I fear I will burst out laughing the next time I see her. It's hard enough keeping a straight face in front of Victus.  Speaking of sex…

Jane and I questioned Jarrus about his intentions. It seems the novelty of being the only male Asari on Thessia quickly wore off. 

Jarrus described how he became "a piece of meat" and was expected to perform "double headers". I wasn't sure what that was exactly; it references some Earth ball game when the teams play two matches in a row. As a sexually analogy it seems to refer to having two female partners at once or copulating twice with one partner in rapid succession.   

And Jarrus got tired of doing this?

I love women dad, he explained. But I do miss guy talk, fishing, just hanging out. It was fun at first, but I couldn't really get any work done. They all wanted… a piece of me. But not because they really liked me; I was a trophy, something to be had.  The only male Asari. Then there was the bath room thing… when I needed to pee… they made fun of me because… I stand up! Females in the bathroom! What's up with that?   

He looked at Jane. My mate laughed. I also wonder what's up with that, but I know better than to comment because she would not laugh if I said what I think about it.

So he'll finish his term on Thessia, come home for a while then go to Earth. Well, this could work out, I guess. At least my eldest son wants a more balanced life.

Jane's Diary 2186.0209.

Somehow now, Kill the Reapers=Cure the Genophage. Not what I planned but Mordin says he can get this done. It was good to find Mordin; good to find a female Krogan alive. Maybe I can give the Krogan hope. I owe it to Wrex because I destroyed the cure that Saren had created. Wrex sucked it up that day and now I need to make it right.

I have been assigned a list of 'busy' work jobs by Hackett, Wrex and Victus. Meanwhile they negotiate the particulars of our treaty.

I talked to the female Krogan. Very enlightening! And she gave me a gift; a quartz crystal not quite as long as my hand and sheared in an odd way like a blade. I'm keeping this as a good luck charm and a reminder of why I'm doing this: to bring light and hope to dark, despairing places. No one should have their children taken away…

I also found out that Garrus got a field promotion to admiral. I'm glad, he deserves recognition and it is long overdue. He refuses to move into my quarters, at least as long as Victus is on board. That doesn't stop him from sleeping up here however. He just keeps his stuff down in the battery. I've found space for our guests (Mordin, Victus, and Wrex) in the extra compartments in the back of the flight deck and I've tried to make them comfortable. We need turian food so were going back to the Citadel right after I get Victus' son's platoon…

2186.0210. Victus' son. Yeah that was a mess. He needs my help too. But now something funky is going on at Grissom academy… Oh and Hackett wants me to highjack a Cerberus base. And Wrex wants me to pull some of his men out of a fire. And Cerberus has a big gun on Tuchunka. And Kaiden wants me to visit. And Miranda wants to see me. And so does Aria, of all people. And some Salarian Spectre. This was all just today…

At least I'm getting laid on a regular basis and I'm saving up the creds to buy my boyfriend a black widow sniper rifle. He deserves the best for all his, uhm… service.

2186.0225. Wow it has been awhile… I've been so busy. Jack was at Grissom and I am so glad I dealt with that first. We recused several students including David Archer from Cerberus. 

Then I found Grunt out in Rachni space. Freed the queen (again).

So we are fighting two enemies now; the Reapers and Cerberus and intel suggests they are working together. Damn it.

The Primarch's son got himself killed to save the family honor after his colossal screw up. I can relate; when Ash died… I could have kamikazed myself. Victus is totally withdrawn now and that is understandable. He just wants the Reapers dead.

Last night Garrus and I were having what we call our "strategic planning session". It got this name because Cortez naively (or maybe not so naively) asked Garrus in the mess hall one day,  why he was spending so much time in my quarters. Garrus was kind of caught flat footed by Cortez's blunt nosiness and replied that we did our strategic planning every evening. Adams, Karin and Joker were in the mess and they all burst out laughing. Adams spit his food on the table. We've really got to be careful about making Adams laugh when he has stuff in his mouth…

But getting back to Garrus; he has been explaining some things to me that I am having a hard time digesting. Also we are working on some basic compatibility issues. He complains that my feet are too cold and doesn't want me to put them on his butt or other nice, warm turian places. I explained that human males always do this for their mates. Garrus didn't buy it. He gave me that "do you think I am a galactic idiot?" look, gazing over the top of his visor and all.

Just wear socks to bed, he said.

We were having a nice snuggle  with his mouth nuzzling my neck, when the topic turned to food. He repeated the "my mama use to deep fry small rodents" story, just in case I didn't understand it the first time, I guess. It seems that all the mammals on Palaven are nocturnal and Turians developed their keen eye sight from hunting them in the early twilight, when they would first emerge from burrows or caves.

I asked Garrus if it seemed weird to him to have a mammal as a lover instead of as diner. He thought for a moment and said he couldn't really give an answer to that question because weird was only relative to one's experience. Then he went on to explain that Turians and Asari had been mating for over fourteen hundred years and that his great-grandmother's first mate was an Asari.

I was floored by that statement. Garrus says he has two half grand-aunts somewhere out in Asari space. His great-grandmother openly opposed the war with Earth, much to his father's consternation, and even visited Earth at the war's end as a peace envoy. She learned to wind surf while she was there. She was quite a notorious lady and after divorcing her Asari partner, she had a torrid affair with a Drell diplomat. She then married a Turian twenty years younger than herself and raised four children including Garrus's maternal grandmother.

Ok, mating with a mammal is not too weird compared to that.

He turned the tables on me and asked if mating with a Turian was weird.

No, I said, I love it, it feels incredibly, astonishingly good. I just don't know what kind of species you are Garrus. Bird? Reptile? Something else?

He was a little insulted that I thought he was a reptile. His people are admittedly bird like but classify themselves (translation here) as Cipritineus turianus. meaning the "fast, smart, people"; apparently because they ate all the slow, not so smart people… ugh… Did I really want to know that?

He also claims (why???) that a Turian can swallow a drajet whole.

(What the fuck is a drajet you may ask? I did?). This is a Palaven mammal the size of a small cat. Garrus knows because some lady was trying to sneak her kitten through Citadel customs and Garrus thought it was a baby drajet (no I didn't go there, ok. The thought is bad enough, so I have no idea how that turned out and he didn't say).

I was skeptical that he could swallow a cat sized object; then he opened his mouth… oh God. Teeth everywhere and yeah, that was like those vids of snakes feeding. He could probably get a small cat in there, no problem.

After that display I changed the subject and asked him what he did on Palaven when he was not talking up his plan to Primarch Fedorian. This is where the conversation really turned weird, like "twilight zone" weird. Garrus got a security clearance that gave him access to the Menea Vaults Libraries; the Turian equivalent of the Mars archives. The Protheans had a huge underground base on Menea, much of which remains unexplored because the security locks are still functioning!

Garrus explained, and this is what is hard to swallow, that the Protheans were conducting genetic experiments on both Turians and Humans on Menea! They were striping out the best biotic genes from both species to create the Asari…

Garrus is convinced that at the highest levels of the Asari government, this has been known for at least a thousand years and probably even more. When the Turians and Humans started a war, the Asari stepped in to stop the father race (Turians) and the mother race (Humans) from killing each other…

I don't know what to think about this. I'm just sure I haven't heard the whole story...

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