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May 14, 2012
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#4 in "The Diary of Jane Saga"
From the Files of the Shadow Broker
News. Traffic_interrupt
Ref. Alenko, Hackett, Shepard, Vakarian, Victus
News Flash- High Ranking Officers Embracing While Illegally Parked
The Citadel. Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani; Westerlund News Service.

Today on the Citadel, in the midst of the ongoing war against the reapers, Systems Alliance Commander Jane Shepard of the SSV Normandy and Turian Hierarch, Admiral Garrus Vakarian, head of Paleven STG, took some time out for an afternoon of picnicking, drinking, sport shooting and heavy petting from atop Presidium bridge 19.

Picked up live by security cameras, the Commander and the Admiral began the afternoon's dalliances by illegally parking on the bridge in violation of 137 Citadel ordinances. After partaking of the view, the couple French kissed and then Shepard, wearing a black, skin tight dress, was double dipped by the Turian in a passionate embrace. The scene, broadcast live to all Citadel locations, was met with hurrahs and shouts of "Go Garrus" from Turian nationals in Citadel bars once frequented by the Admiral during his days as a C-Sec officer.

Shepard and Vakarian then held a marksmanship contest, shooting beer bottles through on coming, rush hour traffic with high caliber sniper rifles. The Commander missed her second shot and was comforted by Vakarian. A picnic supper followed that included two bags of salt and vinegar potato chips, Harp Lager, Turian Polar Ice Ale and several different types of chocolate. The happy pair then nestled up together for some quality smooching.

There was trouble brewing in lala land however, and a verbal dispute ensued which was settled to  Commander Shepard's apparent disadvantage. With Shepard comfortably tucked in the crook of his right arm, Vakarian removed his trademark visor, reached into the picnic basket and pulled a Brawler VII pistol.  After ordering Shepard to fling her empty beer bottle into the air, Vakarian dispatched it with a stunning left hand shot, while keeping his right hand firmly attached to second base.

No audio was available for the feed, but Westerlund News Service lip readers concur that the Commander was compelled by Vakarian to say "You're my sniper daddy" several times. Electronic tracing confirms that Shepard used her Omni tool to transfer 100 credits to Vakarian's bank account.

A spokesman for the Alliance fifth fleet, Major Kaidan Alenko, said that the incident was being personally investigated by Admiral Hackett and that Shepard and Vakarian would be held accountable for any property damage, as well as for violations of Citadel ordnances.

The Turian Hierarchy had no official comment on the matter, but Turian Prime Arch, Adrien Victus praised both Vakarian's marksmanship skills and his ability to multitask while discharging his weapon.

Filed: Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani; Westerlund News Service.
Previous: fav.me/d4z8cm7
Next: Jane's List for Garrus fav.me/d51vwa3 (5th part in series)
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:icon09alice1:
09Alice1 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014
"Adrien Victus praised both Vakarian's marksmanship skills and his ability to multitask while discharging his weapon." Way to go Victus!!!!!!!!!
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:iconazulenearoma:
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Professional General Artist
Read "Hannah's Tale on my journal....
Reply
:iconladygray85:
LadyGray85 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My favorite part.  :P
Quote: Adrien Victus praised both Vakarian's marksmanship skills and his ability to multitask while discharging his weapon.
Reply
:iconazulenearoma:
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Professional General Artist
haha. It gets even funnier later...
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:iconobsessedfanficwriter:
Great story!
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:iconazulenearoma:
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Professional General Artist
Thanks!
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:iconblightfighter45:
blightfighter45 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
khalish wants to get punched again huh ?
Reply
:iconazulenearoma:
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Professional General Artist
khalish? sorry i don't follow.
Reply
:iconblightfighter45:
blightfighter45 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the reporter that shepard punches in every game
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:iconazulenearoma:
AzuleneAroma Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Professional General Artist
Oh I think she ducked that one. HAHAHA!
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