18 The Dairy of Jane 2185.23

Jane and Garrus discuss how sex will work... or not.

It is just after dawn. Jane is still asleep. I sit down in the window seat with a cup of tea and her diary. The next passage is a long one…
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2185.23
I ended up doing a solo on Beckenstein with Kasumi as my shadow. That was not exactly fun, but the dress she picked for me was killer. I don't get to play dress up much, but I did like the lipstick and heels thing. The guy was an ass and it was a pleasure to obliterate him. Wiping out scum is my calling.

Kasumi's story is very sad and she is lost in her memories. Did I do the right thing to send her inside the grey box?

Back on the ship she told me to wear the dress to the battery and show it off the Garrus. She asked if she could shadow me because she wanted to see his reaction. She also told me that she moves all over the ship cloaked and spies on everyone. Joker is falling for EDI (seriously? she's an AI), Chakwas misses Adams and talks to him every day. Some yeoman is pregnant by the shuttle mechanic. Garrus and Mordin talk about me constantly….

What?

Kasumi laughed. Garrus got advice from Mordin on how to seduce you Shepard, and they are laughing it up because it worked!

What do you mean, I asked? He didn't do anything.

Exactly, Kasumi says, he got you to do all the work.

Son of a…

Garrus loves you, she tells me, and you do know that right? He's nuts about you, and you drive him crazy with lust. He's furious when you leave the ship without him because he won't be there to protect you.  But he's got some family problems that he and Mordin are working on. He doesn't want to burden you.

Shit, I say. We haven't even kissed.

Then go kiss him Shepard, what are you waiting for. I"ll leave after I see him pee himself when you walk in wearing that dress. Then make a bold move. You know, take him boldly were no turian has gone before. He's angry you left him on the ship again, use that energy to get him worked up. A little sex on the gun deck could be just the thing.

Hmmm.

Off we went to the battery. The doors opened and those big mandibles just fell, the tips of Garrus' teeth glinted in the battery lights. He stared me up and down and the mandibles twitched. He was… excited. I had to cough to cover my laugh.

Shepard, he said so cool, need me for something?

Yes I thought, I do need you for something.

I walked up to him and planted a wet one right on his mouth.

When do I book the room, I asked? The doors swished close, I hoped Kasumi left. I kissed him under the chin and let the end of my nose tickle the bottom of his mandible, then I nuzzled his neck some more.

Garrus hands grabbed around my back and waist, he squeezed so hard, all my breath went out. I leaned up and licked the tip of his mandible, and they twitched spastically.  One of his hands slid down to my ass. Ummm this was getting interesting. Then, he pushed me away and scratched his head.

"I don't know … I-  Shepard are you sure you don't want someone closer to home?

I was stunned. Was he kidding me? I want you, I blurted out, and I've wanted you for a long time Garrus. You're the one person I trust.

I just wanted to, uh, give you an out, in a gentlemanly way. You know. To be sure.

Uh- huh. That didn't feel gentlemanly what you just did squeezing my waist and butt. Do you like the dress?

I posed, turned around and stuck out my leg.

You're not making this easy Shepard.

Uh-huh.

He scratched his head again.  I think, we don't want to upset the crew. Wait until we go after the collectors. You know, find some peace before the eye of the hurricane. Savor that last shot, before popping the old heat sink. Uh, that was a really unfortunate metaphor.

I looked him in the eye, folded my arms so that he knew I meant business.

The crew is screwing each other senseless Garrus. One of the yeomen is pregnant. I don't think they'll care much about what were are or are not doing.

You might be correct, he said. And damn you are… an extraordinarily well constructed female. He reached out and pulled me against his chest again.

So… ,I asked, when can I book the room?

Can I be honest Shepard.

I insist Vakarian.

I don't have a clue, what to do with a human. I need to do some research and get up to speed. On Palaven, sex education and foreplay is a required part of secondary education. But with a human… I feel incompetent and incompetence can lead to impotence or possibly incontinence, which would be even worse… So let me read up on this and figure out how to… you know.

I nuzzled him some more. I can show you if you want, I said

I don't. I want to figure this out for myself. It's what turians do and, anyway I'm dealing with some family issues right now.

Can I help, I asked? I'll take you Palaven if you need to go.

Shepard… I have to handle this and I'm not going to burden you with my personal problems.

Garrus, I protested. You didn't mind burdening me to help you find Sidonis or beat the crap out of Harkin.

That was business. Look, Shepard just, you say you trust me, let me do this my way. I'll come and visit you one night, when I get this under control or … when we go after the Collectors, ok. Otherwise, I'll be too distracted, and nervous to do either of us any good. Just be patient with me. If you had done this to me on the SR1, I would have nailed you on the spot. I guess I have finally learned some self-control, huh? Could be useful.

I had to laugh when he said that. Ok Garrus, I'll be waiting. You know where I sleep.

I left the battery and saw Kasumi sitting in the mess.

That got a little heavy, she said. I stepped out before you two got naked.

Not heavy enough, I told her. And no one got naked. What's going on with him, he wouldn't tell me. Just said it was stuff he needed to handle first.

Oh, she replied. He didn't tell you? His mom… she's dying.

So this was what Garrus didn't want to burden me with, what he didn't want to go to Palaven to face with a skin graft and half his head blown off. I had to take several deep breaths, but I did understand.

Garrus was right, if he had told me I would have insisted that we take a time out for Palaven. I would have endangered the mission for him, I would have put my personal concerns for him ahead of my command.

That turian, he knows me damn well. And that's why I trust him.

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I closed the diary and put it aside. When she wakes up, or sometime today  when she is in a reasonably good mood, I must tell her that I have to return to Palaven in a few days. And this time commander Shepard must come with me. I can't tell her why, but I know she still trusts me…


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